Thursday, January 27, 2011


Yesterday my friend, who was 3 weeks ahead of me in pregnancy, gave birth to a boy. A beautiful son.

Hearing her birth story and holding her son made me grieve anew the loss of our son. Our son was due to be born on February 9th. Our sons would have grown up together, played together, hopefully prayed together.

I'm so glad for her and her husband. I'm thankful to God that he kept them all safe and healthy when she was in labour. I'm so glad that I had the strength and enough love for them to visit them in the hospital.

But I hurt. So much. My heart aches for my lost child, for the lost opportunity to parent, for what could have been.

I hurt for what may happen next, the vast, horrible unknown of it all.


  1. What a wonderful and giving friend you are. It must have been very painful and I am sorry for your loss. One day your dear friend will visit you in the hospital to meet and hold your little one.

    Wishing you peace,

  2. It would have been incredibly hard for you to see your friend holding her baby without thinking "that should be me too". I admire your strength.

    It is vast, it is scary, it's like staring down into a black hole and not knowing what awaits at the other end. But you are not alone, I am one of many who are here for you.