Friday, January 15, 2010

Slowly coming back

I've been sad. I've been angry. I've been lonely and bored. I've lacked direction.

Grieving the loss of "Squirmy" and then taking a break from TTC (as DH prepares for professional exams) has been one of the most difficult times of my life.

Oh, and it coincided with Christmas. The time when people say, "Christmas is all about the children" and gather around the two newborns in my family. Even the sermon at church on Christmas Eve was entitled "Christmas is for the children". Sure the point was that the birth of Jesus is for all people, at all times, and in all places, but never have I heard the words baby, birth and pregnancy so many times during a church service. Ouch! I prefer Easter, which our pastor described as the "adult themed holiday" - with violence, torture, lies, tears and jeers, and murder, rather than tinsel, toys and Christmas trees.

As I re-read what I've written I realise I sound hard and cynical. I'm really not. I prefer Easter because of the great sacrifice Jesus made for me. I prefer it because it is not as over-commercialised as Christmas so I enjoy it for the beautiful simplicity of its message. Salvation. Just beautiful.

Now I realise I'm just rambling. There is no TTC to talk about. By mid-February DH will have finished his exams and we'll start our second IVF, hoping that our eggs will defrost ok. I've ordered books about endometriosis so I can learn all I can about our only diagnosis. One of them is a therapeutic diet that I'm interested in trying.

I'm slowly coming back. I've missed my TTC friends.

4 comments:

  1. Yay! I am glad you are back...ramble on!

    Add me to the list of people who are glad we are on the other side of Christmas now.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amen. I got so sick of hearing "kids/family/having a good time is what Christmas is all about". Arrrgh! It's about JESUS people!

    Oh, by the way - Hi! I'm bonnie :-)

    I'm a Sydney-sider, infertile, endo-sufferer about to start IVF in March. I was super-excited to find another Christian/IF/Aussie blogger as most of my reading comes from overseas and it's nice to know there's someone in Australia going through similar stuff to me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am glad to hear from you! I was thinking about you yesterday and had decided if you hadn't blogged in a few days I would hunt you down. :) I wanted to give you your space but was concerned that I hadn't heard anything in awhile. Glad to know you are alive! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thankfully, Easter is almost right around the corner. We love Easter, too. :)

    I hope you find some rest and healing in this break time.

    ReplyDelete