Oh, emotion

Today is not such a good day. I was going so well. Then yesterday, the emotions hit. It started when my cousin came over and told us about his new baby and how he wasn't sleeping much at all and how stressed his wife is. I sympathized, I really did. I told him I would be praying for them, and I am. But as he was telling me I was struck with such sadness. My cousin was obviously tired, distressed and worried. It was great that he could talk to me and DH about it. However, the selfish infertile in me thought "at least you have a baby" and "at least you can talk about this with people." I was horrified that I would think like this and that it would make me so sad.

Today the sadness continues. I accidentally made my Mum think that I am pregnant. I was at her house and having a whinge about the physical symptoms I am experiencing. She heard "sore bre.asts" and assumed I was pregnant. I've told her about IVF and about hormone treatments but she hadn't put two and two together to realize that my symptoms are related to the artificial hormones. I felt so bad that my whinging had caused her to hope.

I would take all these symptoms (sore BBs, veins, tiredness, nausea, night urination) and more if someone would just tell me I'm pregnant. Tell me that it's my baby doing this to me and I will relish the opportunity to vomit daily, need a nap after doing the vacuuming, and get up while it's still dark to use the toilet.

I will go through anything to be pregnant.

Undergoing fertility treatments makes me think that I will endure anything to be pregnant.