"In cases such as these, a good memory is unpardonable"

So spoke Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice when she told her sister about her betrothal to Mr Darcy. She had hated him. But she was right, when you're engaged, it's best to forget about that.

It's the same with infertility.

My poor memory serves me well. Without it, I'd probably never get through repeated rounds of fertility treatments. Each cycle I start, surprisingly oblivious to what is to come. I even make statements such as "I won't analyze my symptoms this cycle." Of course I will. That statement was made when I had no symptoms!

On Sunday night I injected my final Pregnyl injection for this cycle. Within an hour I was sobbing. The next day my breasts had increased in size and hurt like blazes. I was constipated. I am nauseous in the mornings. This morning I woke up and almost burst into tears because I had accidentally thrown out the wrong piece of paper. It didn't matter. It had no effect. And yet I was devastated.

My body believes that it's pregnant. I won't know if it is or isn't for another week.

How on earth do I ignore the symptoms!??! How on earth do I reconcile to my brain that it's only my body that feels pregnant, it's only because of the injected hormones that it feels this way!??! What do I do with the hope that surges with my HSG levels??

I forgot that it was like this during the second week of the 2ww last time. And the time before. Yet I can't remember how I got through it last time either.

In cases such as these, a good memory is unpardonable. If I had a good memory, I probably wouldn't have put myself through this again.

1,2,3...800 and counting

My medicine cabinet.

Today I took what I think was my 800th folate tablet. 800!
I have taken at least 550 fish oil tablets.
I swallowed 100 vitamin B complex tablets before I changed to vitamin B6. I have only taken 45 of those.

I have had maybe 20 injections of Puregon 50iu.
Three whopping injections of Pregnyl 5000iu have found their way into my belly.
Five luteal phase support injections of Pregnyl 1500iu have also been injected.

I have one more Pregnyl 1500iu to inject tomorrow. Then I resume the 2ww and as I wait, I contend with the side-effects of these injections. I've also started a high fibre diet, it's become necessary.

I'm 5dpiui. I wonder when my number will come up?

All go for Monday

My DH got to sleep without being wakened yesterday (though I would have loved to see his reaction when I woke him up to ask him to provide a sperm specimen - he may have thought he was still dreaming!). Tonight I'll have the trigger injection (hopefully I'll remember once our dinner guests have left) and then we'll have the procedure done on Monday morning. This is our third, and final, IUI. This cycle I will not interpret every cramp, twinge or symptom. I will relax and trust the Lord. And I will repeat that statement regularly - "I will trust in the Lord". God help me.

IUI #3 is underway!

I went to the FS clinic this morning for a scan and BT. I have one follicle measuring 22mm and lots of little ones at around 8mm. BT results should be back by this afternoon and we'll find out if we're having the procedure today, tomorrow or Monday. Poor DH is doing night shifts at the moment, so I'll have to wake him up if it's today or tomorrow. Most appointments I can attend on my own, but I still need him in this whole baby-making-business!